Nightmares
by DiAnna44
Summary: Roy Mustang is currently a broken man whose smiles are lies. Riza Hawkeye knows something is wrong, but how can she help save him from his own nightmares? Royai. Angst. Summary sucks so read and find out for yourself.


**Pre Note: The note below and the story that follows holds major spoilers for Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood so I suggest that if you have not seen/finished the show and mind spoilers, you should probably leave right now. Sorry. Come back later?**

* * *

**Note: Yes, the Father arc has happened. Yes, Ed lost his alchemy in order to save Al. Yes, the circle for Roy to become one of the "Sacrifices" happened, but in THIS story he regained his ****eye sight a few hours after. I can't have a blind Roy in this fanfic if I can help it, right? Okay, I just wanted to make that clear so you're not like, "Hey! Hey! Hey, what now! Nuh uh he _lost_ eye sight! How can he see?!" and freak the freak out. All right, that is all. Read on. :)**

* * *

**_Nightmares_**

* * *

_"__So when are you guys gonna become a thing too?" Edward Elric asked as he and Roy get a moment off to the side while the guests were mingling. _

_"__What do you mean?" Roy asked. _

_"__Come on you dumb shithead, I'm now a married man and look at you! What are you… almost fifty now? Pretty useless, aren't you?" Ed smirked. _

_"__I highly recommend that you hold your tone Edward Elric," Roy warned. _

_"__Or what? You'll reprimand me? I don't work for you anymore. Plus I'm too busy with my _wife_ to even be concerned about you, old man." Roy raised an eyebrow at the tone of Ed's voice. It seemed like he was trying to hint something but he didn't understand what it could have been. _

_"__What is the point of this conversation, Ed?" he finally asked, sounding uninterested. Hell would have to freeze over before he admitted he didn't know what was going on to a former subordinate of his, especially the most _annoying _one. He heard Ed give a sigh, which only caused Roy to frown. _

_"__For fuck's sake, I thought you would have known by now," he sighed. Before Roy could finally admit defeat and ask what the hell Ed was talking about, Winry's voice called out. _

_"__Edward! Did you actually _leave_ me at our wedding? We have to cut the cake!" Ed's eyes visibly widened and he went rushing off to her voice, leaving Roy in the dust; however, before he was completely gone he stopped, turned, and called out to Roy, "The one person you trust completely!"_

_Roy frowned, pissed that Ed just left him like that with a vague response. The only person he trusted? Did he even trust anybody? He thought about it for a whole of ten seconds before realizing that yes, there was one person he trusted. However, instead of helping the situation, which Ed obviously thought would happen, it only made the former Colonel more confused. _

_After all, what did Riza have to do with this?_

* * *

"General! General, you need to wake up!" Roy could hear her voice and he could hear her words, but his mind did not care at the moment. He was having a great dream so there was nothing that would wake him up. "General, do not make me do this," she warned. Roy simply smiled against the hard wood of the desk. There she was, making empty threats again. "Okay fine. You leave me no choice," she said finally.

As soon as Roy hears the sound of the gun cocking, his head shot up and he found himself staring at his long-term partner in crime.

"What do you mean? I've been up the entire time," he says, shooting a coy smile. She frowns at him as she puts her gun back in the holster.

"Sir," she warns. "That is the third time this week you have been caught sleeping. I don't mean to sound disrespectful—"

"Yes you do," he says before she can go on. "Continue." This time she outwardly glares at him as she practically hisses the next words.

"Even though _I don't mean to sound disrespectful_ I warn you if I catch you sleeping again while on the job, I will personally make sure you never fall asleep again." Roy flashed his signature smile at her and simply said, "That's what you said last week Riza. No need to get super scary. I'm up so what's wrong?"

Papers were suddenly in front of his face and he had to lean back to avoid getting a dozen paper cuts on his face. He grabbed her arm for a second and apparently startled, she pulled back, dropping the papers on his desk. He froze for a second, wondering what in the hell possessed him to grab her arm. However, he dismissed it when Riza started to speak.

"The Führer demanded that you read over these and sign them as soon as possible. He also tells me to warn you to stop sleeping with so many women so that you won't fall asleep again. See General? Practically the entire headquarters knows that you've been sleeping," she admonished.

Once again, Roy flashed a smile and told her he'd get it done soon. She looks at him steadily before bowing politely and excusing herself. He watched her retreating form still keeping his steady smile and as soon as the door closed, he gave a breath of relief.

There was absolutely no way he was going to tell her that he's been having nightmares again.

He flinched at the memory of his previous night where he woke up sweating with the thought of war on the tip of his mind. He swore for at least three hours in the middle of the night that he had blood on him and he had taken at least six showers before calming himself down.

Roy could feel his eyes starting to droop again as he stared down at the papers, but he forced himself awake thinking of Hawkeye's threat of shooting him.

Roy forced himself to grab his pen, and thus he opened up the first set of papers to sign.

* * *

Roy was hiding something from her.

She was certain of it but she wasn't sure what it was. And even though the rumors of him sleeping with woman was the reason he was so tired lately were spreading around like wildfire, Riza had the sinking suspicion that it wasn't the norm this time.

She clutched at her arm, wondering why she could still feel his hand on her, and she shivered. Her pace quickened and she furiously tried avoiding all contact with anybody who might pass by her in the hall. Maybe she had somehow gotten burned by his touch and neither one of them realized it? It would explain the burning sensation.

She rushed into an empty bathroom and pulled up her sleeve, only to find…nothing. All she saw was her skin and the few freckles that decorated it.

"What?" she whispered to herself. She brought her gaze towards her face in the mirror and studied it.

In fact, she looked pretty tired herself, but that was because things just kept happening at night that wouldn't allow her to sleep. Plus, she was so exhausted from lecturing Roy all day every day. Riza sighed, wondering why in the hell she chose Roy as the person to protect.

Roy Mustang…was someone she couldn't explain in just a few simple words. No, for her, it would take days, maybe weeks to explain someone like Roy to another human being. Hell, she's tried explain Roy to her own dog, and even she got lost along the way.

There was just so much of him to take in that she couldn't focus on the major points, but the smaller things such as the fact that he hated it when his coffee was too sweet or the fact that even though he puts up the façade of being a self-absorbed ass, he still bought Riza the dress she's wanted for months for her birthday.

Riza just wished she knew why Roy couldn't sleep, but she didn't want to investigate. She wanted Roy to tell her herself, without holding back the truth.

She didn't think she could handle any more lies in her life.

* * *

**_"You're a murderer."_**

**_"Stop trying. You're useless."_**

**_"Remember Winry's parents? Remember how they're now dead because of you?"_**

**_"Think about all of those that you've killed. How can you still live like you do?"_**

**_"Think of all of the blood…even though it doesn't show it is _****tainted _on your skin forever."_**

**_Tainted…blood…_****murderer.**

…

Roy jumped awake, sweating profusely. His gaze shifted to the clock seeing the flashing numbers of 12:57 in the darkness. He groaned, bringing his hand up to his forehead, but in the clock's light he saw the red. His eyes widened, and he looked around, horrified at what he was seeing.

Blood stained his walls, while the faces of those he's killed seemed to be painted in with the blood. He felt himself fall out of the bed and he could hear his own choking sobs.

He had to escape. He needed to leave. There was so much blood…so much blood. Roy ran out of the room, nightmares haunting his every step, and every time he looked down, the blood was still there. He shook his head angrily and forced himself into the shower, letting the cool water pour down on him drenching both him and his clothes.

He had to get the blood out. He had to get the blood out. He had to get the blood out.

He had to get the blood out. He had to get... the blood…out….the mantra repeated for four more hours.

* * *

Riza woke up with a sense of dread this morning. She couldn't explain it, but as soon as her eyes opened, her stomach felt bad and her mind felt clouded. Something was wrong.

Riza got dressed with a sense of fear this morning. As she slipped on her uniform, taking off her pajamas and sneakers, she started to shake. Fear wracked her body and she didn't know why. Something was wrong.

Riza ate her food with a sense of anticipation this morning. As Riza scarfed down her food, she was simply thinking that there was no point since she was going to throw it up later anyways. Her feet were constantly tapping and she glanced at the clock every two minutes, wondering why she knew that something was terribly wrong.

Riza went into work with a sense of anxiousness this morning. She called a taxi like always, but instead of instilling small talk like always, she had stared out the window, admiring the dreary view of clouds and darkness. Even though it was eerie, it was also beautiful. So why was she so anxious? And why did she know that something was definitely wrong?

Riza received the news that the General wasn't in yet with a sense of expectation this morning. She had started to run when she realized that the one man she wanted to protect was somewhere near. Roy…Roy…Roy…her silent calls continued for a while as she ran around the building, inside and out, after being granted access in.

"Roy," she whispered, suddenly feeling all the bad feelings that attacked her this morning. Where was he? He may be a lot of things but he was someone who was never late to work. She sat down on a bench near the entrance to the headquarters, hoping that the fire alchemist would show up soon.

Memories of the bags that accompanied his eyes everywhere swarmed into her brain and she shivered. What was up with all of these strange feelings anyways?

Quickly, she reasoned that he could still be at home, accidentally sleeping in, so she stood and headed towards a phone booth.

She needed to talk to Roy.

* * *

The phone ringing woke him from his dreamless sleep. Luckily, last night was one of the few nights where Roy could actually manage to get at least two hours of sleep in. His hand reached for the ringing phone on his bedside table.

"Roy Mustang," he answered groggily. He felt as if his eyes were about to slam shut and never open again.

"Sir," Hawkeye's concerned tone came from the other line, surprising Roy.

"Riza?" Roy was suddenly very, very alert. "What's the emergency?" He waited for the response but all he could hear for the next ten seconds was her breathing. "Hawkeye, what is the matter?" he asked again.

"You," she whispered over the line. Roy almost didn't hear her.

"Me?" he asked. "What do you mean? Is something going to happen to me?"

"No sir…_you are _the emergency," she explained. Roy blinked, still trying to stay awake as he asked what she meant by that. "I am worried about you, sir," she finally admitted.

"You're worried about me?" he asked, trying his best to sound surprised. He couldn't burden Riza anymore with his troubles, much less silly _nightmares. _"Why?"

"I'm not quite sure, sir. I do know that you are hiding something from me and I just want to—never mind, Roy. Just please get some sleep. I will inform the others that you are taking a sick day for the day okay?"

Roy couldn't remember the last day he had taken a sick day.

"I understand. Thank you, Riza," he said.

"Just get some sleep. But don't think this excludes you from your paperwork. You'll have to do it over the course of the next few days with your other papers. Goodbye, sir." The dial tone soon followed and Roy stared down at the phone in disbelief over the fact she practically hung up on him.

"Damn woman," he muttered before lying back down. He wasn't against her request to sleep but he was worried that another nightmare would plague him. Before he could convince himself it was a bad idea, he was already drifting off into his state of unconsciousness.

* * *

She was shaking and she did not know why. Her hand was still clutching onto the phone and she wondered why he had lied again. He didn't tell her what was going on with him and she figured it was because he didn't "want to be a burden" to her or something completely Roy-esque in her mind.

"Still the same," she mumbled under her breath when she finally let go of the phone. As she walked, she studied her two feet, constantly switching places to support the other and she saw the metaphor of her relationship with Roy in how she _walked._

She shook her head, upset at the fact that Roy was lying to her and the fact that she was so upset about that. What made her any different? No… that was ridiculous. Of course she was different. She knew that…so why did he keep lying to her?

Riza only continued walking.

* * *

Roy Mustang missed Maes Hughes. He missed his best friend whom he could talk to about everything. He missed the bad advice that he always gave at first but eventually the wisest thing Roy could never even think of. Hell, he even missed all of the annoying phone calls that Maes did just to talk about his family.

Roy knew that he should just tell Riza. He knew she wouldn't consider it a burden at all, but her _duty_ and that was probably what bothered him so much. He was simply a job to be taken on by her at all times. Why was he not okay with that?

His gaze drifted across the ceiling taking in every crack that hinted to him he should move. He wanted to go to work, but he wanted to sleep more; however, no matter how much he hated to admit it, he was afraid to go to sleep.

He wondered once again why the fact that Riza looked at him like a job bothered him so much. He rolled over on his side, facing his bedside table and the very phone that he talked to Hawkeye on just recently.

What the hell should he do now?

He rolled over again, facing his window, noticing just how dirty it was. Hmm…he should get someone to clean that soon.

He couldn't help himself when he felt his eyes drifting shut again and before he could wake up, he was out.

* * *

Somehow tomorrow had crept up on her and when her eyes flung open, she knew she could not go to work. She had to see Roy, and even though she didn't know why, she didn't care. She needed to see Mustang before it happened. Whatever "it" was she did not know, but she did know that she would be there to stop it.

She had to.

It was Roy.

* * *

It was his fault. He fell asleep. It was his fault. He killed everyone. It was his fault. All his fault. So much blood…there was so much blood. He looked at the walls and he could see them. The faces of those he killed whispering how he killed them and took away their lives. It was all his fault. It was all his fault.

He felt himself fall, and he was now level with the floor. He had to escape. He had to. Where was his gun again? Oh yeah. Under his pillow. He needed to reach it…just reach for it. He managed to bring himself up a little to extend his bloody arm to his pillow. He wasn't close to it at all, but he kept reaching. The blood was everywhere, including his bed. They were screaming at him now. _Your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault, it's all **your** fault. _

Why can't they just leave him alone? He was closer now. To the gun and to his escape. Is this how he was going to go? The faces of those he killed were in front of him now, screaming at him for taking away their lives. Yes…this is how he would escape.

"Roy!"

What was that? He blinked, trying to get rid of her voice. Of course she appears in his mind at a time like this. She was always here for him but she was not here now. He had to escape. No matter what because he had fallen. How can he look at her now with the blood of his hands? How can he allow her to see him so broken and useless?

_Useless. _

"Roy!" She came into his mind again. "God damnit Roy! ROY MUSTANG YOU STOP REACHING FOR THAT GUN!"

Her voice wasn't real…it wasn't real…he ignored her. He reached more, inching closer to his escape and away from the blood that was now dripping from the ceiling. The blood of those he killed. Why is there so much blood? He burned them…why is there blood to be left behind? It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense.

Something was holding him down and he turned, so slowly he felt as if he would break. It was her. The one person he trusted. Why was she here?

Then he was crying. He didn't want to cry. Why should he cry? He watched her as he kept reaching and she shook her head, slowly and sadly. It broke him even more.

"I have to," he gasped out, still reaching. Could she not see all the blood?

"Stop it," she warned, pulling out her gun. He smiled softly.

"Go ahead. Do it," he said, staring straight at her, arm still extended. Was he still crying? He did not know. However, he watched with slow anticipation as she grasped her gun firmly and…pointed it towards her head.

"Don't," he pleaded, understanding her intentions. She couldn't see the blood. He didn't want to add more to his pool of red…plus, she had to stay alive. Didn't she see that?

"I have blood on my hands too, Roy," she whispered suddenly. "Do not let it control you."

How does she _know? _Can she see the faces of those he killed too?

"Stop reaching for that gun Roy, or I will pull this trigger and you will watch me die right in front of your eyes," she threatens. Roy blinks at her, taking her words in. But what about the dead? What about them? He brings his arm down, and Riza sighs with relief. She brings her hand to his face and cradles him.

"Wake up, Roy," she whispers. Roy stares at her and slowly, the blood vanishes. He wants to turn his head but Riza is holding onto him firmly, forcing him to look at her.

Then, the blood is gone and his apartment is back to normal, and he realizes that he is still crying. How pathetic.

Roy Mustang completely falls apart.

* * *

He should have told her. Why the hell did he not tell her?

She understood. Of course she understood because she's had the nightmares too.

He was crying into her shoulder, and it broke her heart. This wasn't Roy Mustang. Roy was someone strong and independent. He should never be this broken, but it didn't matter what "should" and "shouldn't be". Right now, Roy Mustang was a broken man and it was her job to pull him back up again, just as he pulled her back up.

He gave her a purpose. He gave her a reason. He gave her so much, but does he know that?

She knew that threatening to kill her own life would snap him back to his senses because if he did the same to her, then she would have stopped reaching too.

They were two forces of nature that had come together and couldn't be apart. Mentally, they needed each other to be balanced, and this time, it was her turn to balance him.

So she didn't say anything as he cried away his nightmares.

She didn't say anything as he brought his hand to her face and stared at her in wonder.

And she didn't say anything when he pressed his lips on hers, tears still present on his face, and pushed in with the desperation of a lost man.

* * *

_"I'm glad you finally realized old man," Edward Elric said as he gave his speech. He smiled down at Roy and Riza, who were sitting next to each other, completely at ease. Roy glared at Ed, but a faint smile could still be seen. "You know, it's all because of me that these two are finally together. At my last wedding I _may_ have hinted that he needed to make a move on her."_

_"_That's_ what you were talking about?" Roy interrupted. "I thought you were just drunk!" Ed glared at him. _

_"Don't interrupt my speech. I'm going to talk about how scary Hawkeye is now."_

_"I've told you time after time Edward that you can call me Riza," Riza said, smiling. _

_"Okay Hawkeye. Anyways, Hawkeye is really scary! Of course she had practically_ nothing _on me—"_

_"Say that again, Edward," Riza warned, pointing out the gun she had stashed on her. _

_"Why do you have a gun on you at your wedding?!" Ed exclaimed and Roy laughed. He had his gun as well. _

_"Are you done yet, Ed?" Roy asked. _

_"Yeah yeah. Anyways, I hope that you two have a happy life together and make lots of babies or something. Oh! Did I tell you?! Winry is pregnant again!"_

_"EDWARD ELRIC I WAS GOING TO TELL THEM. NOT YOU!" Winry shouted from the reserved guest table. Ed looked down to hide his grin. Roy rolled his eyes and shifted his gaze to Riza, who was blushing slightly. He grinned, happy to see the rare blush of Riza Hawkeye. He took her hand and she met his gaze._

_"Thank you," he said, referring to everything he's done for her. _

_"Thank you," she echoed, squeezing his hand, and smiling. _

_And that was all they needed to know and they would ever need to know because it was enough to keep those nightmares at bay. _

_It was enough of a "I love you" for the two of them, and it was enough of a balance for their futures. _

* * *

**_*I thank you for reading my story, and hopefully, enjoying it. :) Reviews are very much appreciated.  _**

**_Bai guys. :)_**

**_-DiAnna44_**

My FanFiction Facebook Page- **DiannaFanFictionWriter**

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_**(^^^shameless self promoting)**_


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